I don't know about you, but maintaining self discipline, motivation and time management is difficult for me. In my professional life,these are issues that I have under control and can even excel in, being a very goal orientated person, but in my personal life it is a very different story, especially since I made the decision to look after my daughter full-time.
No matter what I am doing, I can't help feeling that I am supposed to be doing something else. If am am writing on the computer, I feel I should be playing with my little one, If I am playing with her, I feel I should be doing some housework, If I am cleaning up I think that perhaps I should take the opportunity for a bit of me time, If I am getting a little me time I think I should really be giving my partner some attention, and so on and so on. The fact that Jasmine feels I should be focused solely on her 100% of the time doesn't make this any easier. Prioritising is a little bit of a problem lately!
The funny thing is, I thought that by taking work out of the equation, for now at least, my life would get simpler. I now realise that your working life provides a structure for your life, perhaps because at times it seems to leave little room for anything else. I might feel I spread myself a little too thinly between various commitments and priorities now, but before I gave approximately 80% of my time and attention to work and very little was left for anything else. I didn't have time to question how my time was divided or to doubt myself, because there was no time!
I have discovered how little of myself I was able to give to my partner, family, friends, neighbours, community activities and other interests. Obviously Jasmine gets the bulk of my attention and my day is structured around her needs, such as her nap time, meal times, bed times and her routines, but I am able to focus on aspects of my life that were neglected before.
No matter what your situation, when it comes to how you divide your time, focus and priorities, compromises need to be made. Unfortunately I spend too much of my time, questioning myself, berating myself, doubting my capabilities to get things done and feeling as though I should be doing better. What a waste!
Ultimately every second, of our lives is a precious gift, and our lives are limited. No-one is given an exact timetable for our lives and so much of what we take for granted can be taken away at a moments notice. Our Life-Time is a limited resource and all of it, the good, bad, happy and sad needs to be valued for the learning experience that it is.
So my priority as of today is to stop wasting time worrying about what I should be doing with my time! So I might not get everything done, my home may not always be tidy, people may feel I don't give them as much of my time as they would like, I may not always write this blog regularly, but I will know that I am doing my best and that that is enough. I don't have time for regrets but I do have time to enjoy and value my life and the people and experiences in it!
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